March 23, 2011

And so, when opened up by the knife, the meat dried out immediately

Esquire, February 2011

I read the first few grafs and thought to myself, "I get that this is a men's magazine, and ok, yeah, Brooklyn Decker is gorgeous, but why does she get a whole article devoted to her?!?! There is literally nothing to Brooklyn Decker but her physical appearance." Voiced my opinion, to which my wise friend responded, "Maybe that's the point." Ah, yes. By the end, I found the story to be quite amusing. Below excerpt possibly a metaphor for Brooklyn?

"But it isn't the truth. The chicken was good when it came out of the oven. Just fine, juicy--piquant, even. Nice touch with the prosciutto, Brooklyn. But it was too hot, and so, when opened up by the knife, the meat dried out immediately. The salad couldn't save it. By the time she asked, the chicken really was quite a chore."

Tom Chiarella, you so smart.

PS, I can't believe she's only two years older than me.

March 21, 2011

And a Labrador retriever came along and lapped some up

Esquire, February 2011

We Drink It So You Don't Have To by David Granger

What: Skinnygirl Margarita

Why: Liquor stores can't keep the stuff in stock, which means your girlfriend is drinking it.

What It Tastes Like: Say the cute little four-year-old down the block made a bowl of lemonade but instead of sugar used Splenda and instead of lemons used lemon flavoring and put it in a big bowl filled with ice and set it in the sun so all the ice melted and the "lemonade" got kind of hot and she got bored and went inside and a Labrador retriever came along and lapped some up and then stuck his head in the bowl and got the stuff all up in his nose and sneezed uncontrollably into the bowl for awhile. That's what it tastes like. On ice.

Why I love David Granger. Love Bethenny Frankel, too, though, but guessing that Granger is most certainly right.